Drug Addiction, Disease or Choice, Cure or Change

I was a drunk. I was not an alcoholic but a drunk. Alcohol was a crutch that I chose to drown my sorrows and to escape from a situation I put myself into. Then I met someone who cared for me even though I was a drunk. She picked me up off the floor and cleaned me up. I left the situation I was in and I quit getting drunk. I still drank but I cut way down and knew when to stop.

I had 10 years of sobriety until I ended the relationship. I then went about six months getting drunk often. I then decided to quit drinking completely. In the last 12 years I had four drinks. I have no urge to drink. I lived in a bar and did not relapse. I tended bar and did not relapse.

Everybody’s addiction is different. The recovery is different for each person. Some turn to God for help. Some go to AA or NA. Some do I on there own with some help from others. I did it on my own without help. I just decided not to drink anymore.

One thing is true in all cases. Recovery is from within. The addict has to want to recover. The addict has to make that first step and realize that they need to change. Then they may need help from friends, family, God and/or a support group.

What about rehab. For some it works but only if they make changes when they get out. They still have to make up there mind that they will recover and they still may need help from friends, family, God and/or support groups.

AA and NA say that addiction is a disease. There is no cure. The addict must abstain and never have another taste of the drugs or alcohol. Many use the disease as an excuse to relapse. Based on my observations it is not a disease but a character flaw that can be changed.

Maybe in some cases it is a disease or a genetic defect. Addiction can run in families. Is it genetic or environmental? In many cases if the parents are addicted one or more of the children will become addicts. In the case of smoking crack or other drugs the children will get a contact high which can lead to an addiction. If a child is around other addicts the same thing can happen or peer pressure may lead to addiction. What I have seen is environmental.

When I was a child a girl I knew well had a father who was an alcoholic. She did not go to alcohol. She did try suicide a few times and then changed her religion. Her father was Jewish, her mother was Protestant and she became Catholic. Her family environment formed her life’s choices.

My dad’s ex-partner and his wife were alcoholics. Their son was schizophrenic and died at a young age from rheumatoid arthritis. Was the son’s health determined by the parent’s alcoholism? Could it have been from the effects of alcohol before and during the pregnancy? I do not know. His mental state could have been caused by the stress he was under from his parent’s alcoholism. A parent’s substance abuse does put the children at risk. There is no doubt about that.

In many cases if the child sees the damage caused by drugs and he or she is turned away from drugs. When they see the down side of drug use before they are under the influence of others they have something to fight the urge to use drugs. Peer pressure can be very hard for them to fight. The urge to be accepted is a strong one. A parent needs to know what the children are doing and who they are doing it with. They need to talk to their children not tell their children what to do or not to do. Telling them not to do something may make them rebel. Giving them reasons not to do something will give them reasons to not do it.

The prospective addict has to say no to drugs. The more the parent says no the more they want to try it. I have found that telling someone they are wrong can make an enemy and if it is your boss it can cost you your job. You have to show them why they are wrong so that they decide that they are wrong.

You can not stop a person from using drugs. They have to see that it is not the way to go. What makes it harder to help a person stop using that they only see the good side? The bad side is hidden by the good side.

The physical addiction is hard to fight. Cigarette smokers see that. When you are away from it you get antsy. You start to shake. You start withdrawals and the only thing that will stop them is a fix. Eventually the pain of withdrawals will go away. The urge to use may be with you for a long time and may never go away. Years later there may be times when you think that you want a fix. The longer you say no the easier it is to say no. There is hope if you realize this. You have to be strong and you can be strong.

The only one that can get the addict to stop is the addict. No matter what friends and family say the addict is the only one who can put a stop to the addiction. The place for the friends and family is to help them realize that they can do it and that they will be better off if they stop. Most have given up on life or are trying to cover up the pain of a traumatic experience. It is a crutch to forget.

Self esteem is usually the key to success. I have never seen an addict who cares for themselves. They feel that they deserve the problems they have. They deserved to lose that job, home and family. They deserve what is happening to them. They use the drugs to forget their problems. When they are high they are not thinking about problems but enjoying the moment. They are not thinking about the fact that they are killing themselves. They do not care about anything but that high.

You have to give them a reason to care. You have to show them that they are worth saving. You have to get them in touch with themselves. You have to show them that they are someone to love. You also have to find the underlying reason for their addiction and work to either eliminate it or to find a way they can deal with it and set it aside so they can live without it bothering them.

I have found that you can deal with anything if you do not worry about it. If you can not do anything about it you have to realize that and work around it. When something bad happens you have to look for a way to make it bring about good. All of the bad things that happened to me throughout live have made me what I am today. I used the bad to strengthen my resolve to improve my life. I realized that if I can take care of my need and limit my wants I can have a happy life.

In order to quit drinking and to do away with the urges I had to institute a total attitude readjustment. I had to change my priorities and I had to start living my life for me. Once I did that I found that helping others helps me. Writing the book, The Crazy Old White Man from the Hood, showed me what I am today and gave me reason to stay sober. Helping others find themselves and find the good inside helps me to remember who I am and what I am.

You have to live life, love life and love yourself before you can love others and before others will love you. You have to sell yourself to yourself before you can sell yourself to others. Life is great if you live it to the fullest. This does not mean to go wild but to make what you do enjoyable. Everything that happens to you has a good side if you use it for good.

Stay clean and sober.

Get high on life not drugs.

Addiction

Over the past few years, except for 4 or 5 joints, I have not done illegal drugs.

At one time I was a drunk and now I am now a reformed drunk. I was not an alcoholic because I totally stopped drinking on my own 17 years ago. In the last 17 years I have had 3 glasses of champagne and 2 beers. I have tended bar and lived in bars and did not even want anything stronger than cola. I also use nicotine and caffeine.

I have never used cocaine, heroin or any of the other illegal drugs except for "bud."

As I mentioned above, my life has been affected by it. I have lost friends to drugs and I have lost women I have cared for to crack and alcohol.

My second wife and I took my children from the first marriage to the ethnic festivals on the Detroit River quite often when they were kids. One time there was a man in his early 30's eating out of garbage cans. A couple with no sense or compassion teased him with a cup of beer. They would act like they were giving it to him then take it away. They then threw it in the garbage and he dove into it to try to get the beer before it all came out of the cup.

My son asked me why he was that way. I said drug and alcohol have fried his brains.

Another time we met a friend of the wife's family. His hands were swollen grotesquely and one of the kids asked why. I told them the he was a heroin addict and he shoots up in his hands. The last time I saw him he had recovered from his addiction and was living happily. He was jogging and he and his wife were going back together. He had 2 heart attacks and soon after I saw him he died of a heart attack. Heroin killed him.

A few years ago, after my divorce, I met a young lady who was a joy to be with. Then I found she was cross addicted with drugs and alcohol. When she was sober and not high we had a great time together. When I got money in she would disappear and the drug dealers would start calling. The first had her pager and would sell it back to me. The second would have a ring or two. When she ran out of things to trade she would be back.

She finally went into detox for a week. She came out and was waiting for a 30 day program. She went a month drug and alcohol free. We were going to take a long weekend off and I had $700 together for the trip.

She helped me with my accounting business and the night before the trip she decided to spend the night at my place above the office. She told me to go to bed and she would come up later after finishing some work.

In the morning I found my wallet on my desk with a note asking for forgiveness and it was missing $350. The next day the dealers started calling and by the end of the day the money was gone and a dealer was holding her until I came up with the money she owed him.

When she came back she asked me to lock her in the office for a week and she would have the same diet that she had in detox. After the week she was straight for a week. Then she was locked up for a week. Then she ended up leaving me for a dealer.

She now has a beautiful little girl (not mine) she is doing well. I saw her the other day and she seems to be clean and sober.

She came in the bar while I was shooting pool. I was winning until she walked in and I lost my concentration on the game. She was slender with extensions. Her skin was a beautiful medium brown. I knew that we would be together within a week.

She came to the juke box and looked for the quarter slot. It only took dollar bills. I put a dollar in and said, "If I had the money I would take you out on the town but I don't so I won't"

I started losing in pool because my mind was on her. I went to her and bought her a beer with my last $1.50 and we talked. She said she was waiting for a blind date and if it did not work out she would call me. I gave her my number and went home.

Five minutes after I got home she called and said she had corned beef and cabbage for me and asked how long it would take to get there. I said 15 minutes and she asked why because I was only about 4 blocks away. I said I had to shave. She said in 5 minutes I would not be let in. I was there in 3.

In three days I had a fire at my office. My office wasn't damaged by fire, it stayed in the business in the front of the building, but the smoke smell was bad so she asked me to stay with her for 3 days. It lasted 6 months. The rent, utilities and food were covered by her welfare.

I ended up paying for her crack and 40 ouncers. Before I knew it I was buying her drugs. The dealers would stop me on the street when the got new houses and take me to introduce me to theirs sales people. (Being an older white man I had to get an intro because they would think I was NARCO.

If I got caught I would go to jail for sale of crack. I didn't use it so I had to be buying for sale. She gave me a place to stay and sex and in return (according to the law) I gave her the crack. I lived with her 5 times. Each time was better but she could not shake it. The last time I thought it would work.

She got pregnant. She had a miscarriage in the second month. She blamed me. She was still drinking and using crack on weekends when she would go to Detroit. (We were living north of Detroit.) There were complications and they did ultrasounds weekly. One week the baby was there and alive and the next we went in for an ultrasound and the baby was gone. The doctor said that it was at the stage where when it died it disintegrated in the sack. (I know this is sickening but I feel that it has to be known.) After we split up for the last time my doctor told me that the crack and alcohol caused the death.

It takes 5 years after a woman stops using cocaine for the system to clear and for it to be safe to have a baby.

Almost a month after her 40th birthday she had a stroke. As of this writing we are good friends and she is recovering from a second stroke. She knows she can no longer use drugs or alcohol. I think the stroke saved her life.

In between times with the last one I was seeing another young lady. She did not drink and that made me happy. I soon found out that the money she made was gone too fast and the money I made was going to pay her bills. She was on crack. Until I became homeless I was paying her bills.

Good ending to this one. She has been drug free for 9 years and will stay that way. She did it on her own and it is something she is and should be proud of. She is working hard and long hours to get a place for her and her daughter.

I still have strong feelings for all three of them.

As I said before I have seen a lot of drug use and I have seen many lives ruined. I have had friends die because of drugs. The strange thing is that in the first 2 cases the dealers asked if they could help me in getting the girlfriend off the drugs. They offered not to sell to them but I said I would rather have them buy from them than someone that may harm them.

I feel that the penalty should be life for selling drugs to minors. When adults buy the drugs it is on them not the dealer. The users have the choice when they start. They know the danger and if anyone says they don't that is bull.

Until recently the feds helped them pay for their drugs with SSI. If they used they were crazy and could not work so SSI paid them. I think one idea was that if they got the money they would lead to less crime to get the money for drugs. I say that gave them more drugs because the next day it was gone and they were out trying to get more drug money to feed their habit.

What can we do? It takes people with experience with drugs to help keep others from making the mistakes they made. I had a client who worked for GM's drug program. He was a heroin addict, white but raised in the Black hood. If you did not see him but heard him talk you would swear he was black. One morning he woke up with his gun in his bed. A bullet was fired and he didn't know where. For all he knew he may have killed someone. Too this day when the door bell ring he worries it may be the cops to get him for murder.

Someday I want to open a rehab center for drugs and alcohol. The building I want is going to be destroyed of the stadium and or casino projects. It is on a pie shaped lot and looks like a castle. I wanted to call it the castle of hope. A man I knew, who looked like Santa and many thought he was Santa because of the miracles the performed, knew people who could help and he said he would help. I knew a preacher, who was in love with the mother who with her 2 kids stayed with me (see my other sites for their story), was going to help. When she and the kids disappeared (drug related) he could no longer help.

If you are in love with a person who is an addict, I feel for you. I am in love with one now. I think she is kicking the habit but it takes time. There are times when tough love is the way to go. There are times when you have to cut them loose. DO NOT LET THEM DRAG YOU DOWN!!! They have to decide when to quit. If they are not ready, no rehab in the world can help. The only way you can help them is to convince them to help themselves.

I have had a lot of friends who were addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. Some quit on there own and some quit with the help of NA and/or AA.

Until recently it was thought to be a poor black problem. It is not and was not a black problem. It is a human problem that affects all races, nationalities and ethnic backgrounds.

It is in the schools in the city, in the suburbs and in the country. All of us know people who have been hurt or killed by them. When I was in high school I lost 6 friends due to accidents that were caused by their or someone else’s drunkenness. I have lost many friends in the last 20 years to drug addiction.

As time goes by the drugs get worse. Heroin is back and it is worse than it ever was. We now have the date rape drug.

I Love Life

You have probably heard people say life sucks. I guess sometimes they are right but most of the time they suck. Some people can’t take the bad things that come along in life. You have to learn to go with the flow and how to change the flow when you can. If you can’t go with it and you can’t change it, ignore it.

The world can be tough at times. Some folks say life’s a bitch and it sure enough can be. You just have to put up with it. If you play the game right you can roll with the punches and come out on top, well maybe close to the top.

Frankly as long as I am above the bottom I am happy. You get to the top and it can be a long fall. The lower you are the shorter the fall.

Some say I do not have the drive and ambition. I had it. Whenever I got to the top something knocked my butt down. Sometimes that was me. In both marriages the higher I got the worse the marriage got.

There is one thing I have learned (It isn’t the only thing just one of the things.) Don’t sweat the small stuff and to hell with the big stuff.

I used to have heart burn all of the time. When I decided not to let anything bother me the heart burn left.

I am self employed so I do not have to take bull shit from a boss. I am good enough at what I do so that I do not have to take the bull shit from my clients.

If you realize that the material things are not important you will have a better life. I live in a small downtown apartment within walking distance of some of the best entertainment in the world. I get buses to anywhere in the city within walking distance. Life is great for me because I do not worry about anything.

I have a good life because I make it a good life. I work at all hours out of my apartment. I have time to write. (From the end of January to April 15th I don’t have a lot of time to write because of tax season but I make time for it and the ladies.)

Of course I realize that many of you who are up there love your material things. If you are married the odds are that the wife and kids love them too. I am not saying this is wrong. I am saying that if something happens you may find yourself in a position where you will go down. It will probably be temporary but at the time you will not know how long it will be.

Be prepared. Not only you but your family too. Have an austerity plan. You do not know that your company will stay strong or that you will always be liked by your superiors. You may piss someone of that can knock you out of your job.

Always have an option in case you lose your job. Be involved in the organizations in your industry. If you are an automotive engineer be involve with the Society for Automotive Engineers.

A large number of people work for small businesses. The owner may be the only one that can keep it going. He may end up in divorce, get critically ill or in some other way find himself in a position where he will lose the company. He may have financing problems. You may have the orders but not the money to produce the product.

There are so many things that can burst your bubble. The wife may decide she doesn’t like you any more. Everything can be lost in a short time. If you are ready for it you may not hurt so badly.

I have been talking about the man in a relationship but the same can apply to the working woman. The non-working (at a paying job) woman is in many cases dependant on her husband. She has to be ready in case he splits. Try to have a stash of money. No matter how much in love you are and you think he is it can change almost overnight. Be prepared to start over again.

Get a job. It can be a part time job that can be made into a full time job if needed. You may want to get into real estate sales. You may want to start a business out of your home. If your husband asks why tell him you want to have money of your own for gifts so he doesn’t have to pay for his gifts from you. You are tired of asking him for money all of the time.

If you are prepared it will not hurt as much if you lose your position in life. DO NOT BE AN ASSHOLE because if you are when you go down no one will help. If you walked over people to get up the ladder they will step on you when you are on your way down. Your misfortune will be their happiness. Be nice on your way up and help others. They may remember and help you recover.

Try to have a nest egg, not for a rainy day but to save your butt.